Slowing down

The speech that I have presented at my local Toastmasters club for my L1 path “Persuasive Influence”.

Recently, my brother asked me: “Hey, why don’t you go for a run?”

I said: “I’m scared.”

He started laughing. “You’ve run marathons, and now you’re scared of running?!“

Well… in fact, I’ve run half-marathons.
And yes – I am scared of running now.
And… I love it at the same time.

Good evening, Lady President and fellow Toastmasters.

Ever since I can remember, I was a runner.

I ran because I could.
I ran because it was exciting… to me…
I ran because this was my way of processing emotions… even though I didn’t know that at the time.

I showed endurance, persistence, and a kind of weird stubbornness. Even as a child.

I loved the feeling of empty space in my mind when I ran.
That moment when the body settled into the effort and just… flowed.
It became almost like a machine… the breath, the pace, the sound of my foot steps… again and again and again…

5k used to be just a warm-up.
Regular training? Anything from 8 to 17 kilometres, depending on the day.

Before every organised race, I always felt nervous… as if it was my first time. As if I was unable to put one foot in front of the other. 
But I loved the buzz and the excitement that came with it. 

It was hard at the start, squeezing in between others, managing the space,
but soon enough I’d find my own rhythm.

You and the path.
Further along the way, you meet strangers who empower you, give you strength, the motivation to go on.

You realise you’re not alone, really…. So you keep going.
Somewhere there’s the finish line waiting for you.
And you know that the run is long, and you need to manage your energy wisely.

Because running teaches you 
How to preserve energy.
How to read your body.
What’s enough, and how much more you still have in you.
It teaches you to respect the weather… and demands of the terrain…
It grounds you.

Living in Bournemouth, I loved running by the sea… especially in the wind and rain. 

Running against the wind felt like resistance training.
Running with the wind felt like flying.
And the rain? The rain was cleansing.
And the warm shower afterwards? Pure heaven.

What I truly loved, however, was that post-run feeling.
That quiet moment when you melt into the world.
Your body is spent, your mind is still…
And your heart is still racing.

I miss that sensation. 

So why am I scared of running now?
Because there were days when I pushed too much.
Days when I didn’t just run on the path. I ran in life.

Two kids. A full-time international job. No family network to rely on. 

I run 24/7.
I breastfed while holding a business phone call.
I worked and looked after a one-year-old with chicken pox for a week.
I was so tired that I preferred to overeat and have a stomach ache
rather than lose my temper with my children purely because I was run down.
A stomach ache kept everyone safe.

I run on coffee, adrenaline, and sheer determination.
Until one day… your mind says: NO!

This wasn’t endurance anymore. It was survival. And you cannot spend your entire life on the survival camp. 

Therefore now, I walk. Long walks are beautiful too. For now, that’s enough.

Because I’ve learned that:
We don’t always need to be racing forward.
Sometimes, slowing down is progress.
Sometimes, the hardest and bravest thing you can do… is to stop.

To breathe. To be.

A run, a walk, or simply standing still — what truly matters… is that you keep showing up.

And maybe, just maybe,
the finish line isn’t out there waiting for us, but it’s right here…

when we choose to be fully present.  

Thank you.